Money Isn't Everything
by iloveromance
Summary: After Joe confesses all to Sugar, he is devastated when a rich handsome man from her past sweeps her off of her feet and steals her away. Can he win her heart based solely on the truth? Meanwhile, Jerry tries to adjust to his sudden freedom.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's note... For those who haven't seen "Some Like it Hot", Tony Curtis plays three different characters; Joe (his main character-a saxophone player), Josephine (a woman he created in an effort to join an all girl's band in order to escape some mobsters) and Junior (the owner of Shell Oil, whom he created in order to win over Sugar Kane; Marilyn Monroe's character). Jack Lemmon's female alter-ego is Daphne and his main character is Jerry. _**

**_I tried to be as clear as possible when addressing or introducing the characters to avoid confusion, so I hope this story is easy to follow. Thanks for reading and reviewing!_**

"Come on, Jerry! You've been sulking in that chair for the past hour! What's wrong?" Joe asked.

"Osgood left me." Jerry said with a sigh.

"What do you care? You wanted to be rid of him anyway! He was just part of our getaway plan, so you should be glad!"

"Yeah, but I didn't want him to _dump_ me!" Jerry yelled.

"Jerry, will you listen to yourself? Did you really think that you could keep up this charade forever?"

"Only until he was going to start asking about children. I'd have to come clean for sure then. But I was gonna let him down, nice and easy. Not like this!"

Joe shook his head in disbelief. "You're insane, you know that?"  
"Why am I insane?"

"You don't love him! And, in case you've forgotten, you're a _guy_!"

"Nobody's perfect!" Jerry retorted.

"Oh brother. I just don't understand you sometimes. We went to all that trouble to get away from Spats and his mobsters and now you're upset because some guy left you! A guy, I might add, whom you only agreed to marry-as Daphne-so that we could get the alimony money! Tell me, was it all worth it?"  
"You tell me! You got Sugar Kane, didn't you?" Jerry asked.

A dreamy far-off look came over Joe. "Yeah... I guess you're right. She is pretty special, isn't she?"  
Jerry stood and put his hands on his hips. "Well, Osgood was special, too and what do I get? Nothing! Not a note, not a goodbye, not even a ship-to-shore call! He just vanished! Sailed away to who-knows-where! How do you think that makes me feel? Well I'll tell you how-."  
"Junior? Junior, darling?"

With lightening speed, Joe donned his black rimmed glasses and did his best Cary Grant impersonation.  
"In here, my darling."  
"Oh, there you are!" Sugar exclaimed as she threw her arms around him. "I really missed you!"  
"Well, I missed you too, Darling. I'm sorry I've been bogged down with work and all. I just haven't been able to give you the attention that you deserve."  
"Oh, don't be silly! You're Shell Oil! You're a very busy man!"  
"I'm so glad you understand, my Darling."

"Boy do I ever understand!"

Sugar's melodious laughter filled the room and she showered Joe's face with kisses. "Well! I'm glad _someone_ understands, because _I_ sure don't!" Jerry said as he entered the room dressed as Daphne.

"What's wrong, Daphne?" Sugar asked.

Joe rolled his eyes. "Osgood left him! I mean _her!_"

Jerry waved his arms in protest.  
"Oh, you poor thing!" Sugar exclaimed as she rushed over to Jerry and hugged him tightly. "Why Daphne! You must be heartbroken!"

"I'll say! It's a terrible feeling, being dumped!" Daphne added, sneering at Jerry.

"Lucky for us, we'll never have that problem, will we Darling?" Jerry asked as he took Sugar in his arms and kissed her.

"Not at all..." Sugar sighed beneath Junior's lips.

Daphne sighed. "Fine, rub it in why don't you?"

Sugar quickly pulled out of Junior's embrace. "Oh, I'm sorry! We didn't mean to!"  
Junior smiled. "Of course, not. We just missed each other so much! What with my busy schedule and all."  
"Yeah, you... mentioned that." Daphne pointed out.

"Junior, Dear..."

"Yes, Sugar?"  
"Don't you think we should find someone for Daphne? I mean, I hate to think of her being left out in the cold. And by the way, where's Josephine? I haven't seen her for days!" Sugar exclaimed.  
Daphne smirked. "Yeah, _Junior_! Where _is_ Josephine?"  
"Well how am I supposed to know where she is? I'm not her mother!"

"Are you sure about that?" Daphne winked.

Junior made a fist at Daphne, causing her to flinch, and was grateful that Sugar was oblivious to it all.

"_Quite_ sure!" Junior added. He turned to Sugar and moved his face toward hers until their lips were inches apart. "Now where were we?"  
"I think right about here..." Sugar sighed as their lips met in a heated embrace.

Jerry shook his head in disgust. "Get a room, why don't you?" He stopped and looked around the sparse hotel room.  
"Oh wait, this _is_ your room. Well, goodnight!"

Sugar and Junior waved to Daphne as their kisses continued well into the night...


	2. Chapter 2

"Ain't this the life?"

Jerry sighed contently as the California sunshine warmed his face. He pulled the brim of his straw hat down around his eyes and smiled. Around him, he could hear the sounds of excited children as they splashed in the hotel pool.

"It sure is." Joe agreed. "We have everything two guys could ever want; sunny weather, companionship and not a care in the world."

Jerry sat up abruptly. "Companionship? Sure, rub it in, why don't you?"

"What are you talking about? There are hundreds of girls here! I don't understand how you seem to keep forgetting that. Oh wait, don't tell me you're still upset over Osgood leaving! Jerry for the millionth time, _you're a boy_!"

"I'm a boy... I'm a boy..." Jerry repeated glumly. "Oh it's no use. I'll _never_ get used to this. I just-OW! Why'd you hit me?"

Jerry looked up to see Sugar walking toward them. Quickly he grabbed the huge towel from the empty chair next to him and covered himself from head to toe.

"Darling, I've missed you so." Joe said in his Junior persona.

Jerry peaked out from underneath the towel, amazed to find Joe wearing Junior's trademark glasses. How did that guy change his clothes so fast? If he didn't know any better he'd swear that Joe really was Junior of Shell Oil!

"Aren't you going to come in the water with me?" Sugar asked. "It's really nice."

Junior smiled and kissed Sugar's hand. "Darling I would, but it appears that Daphne here is still upset over the disappearance of Osgood."

Sugar gasped and turned to Jerry who still had the towel over him.

"Oh you poor dear! Is there anything I can do?"  
Jerry gripped the towel and sighed dramatically in high pitched tones.

"I don't think there's anything anyone can do." Jerry answered as Daphne.

"Oh my... that's terrible... I mean... Hey, why are you all covered up? It's a beautiful day!" Sugar said enthusiastically.

When Sugar tried to lift the towel from his face, he quickly jerked it away.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Please Sugar! The sun is terrible for my complexion!"  
"Really? It didn't seem to bother you in Florida." She pointed out.

Daphne thought fast. "Well, you see... um... Florida sun is different than California sun. It's... a lot more powerful. In California, you're closer to the equator and a girl like me just _cannot_ take chances!"

"Oh, I completely understand!" Sugar said. "You stay right under that towel, Daphne! You don't want wrinkles on that beautiful skin of yours!"

Daphne laughed. "No, we certainly can't have that, now can we?"

Junior rose from his lounge chair. "I'll be right back, Darling."  
"But... where are you going?" Sugar asked worriedly.

"Now Darling, everything will be okay. I'm just going in to change. I think I'll swim a few laps."  
"Oh Junior, do you really mean it? Really and truly?"

"Of course, my love. Anything for you." Junior said, kissing her.

Joe disappeared, leaving Sugar alone with Jerry, who was still hiding under the towel.

"Aren't you going to swim, Daphne?"  
"Oh no... That chlorine is a real killer. It will take the color right out of my hair and I spent a pretty penny on this hairdo!"

"Sugar?"

Jerry peeked out from under the towel at the unfamiliar voice. When he looked up he saw a man who looked as though he'd come straight from a magazine photo shoot;

Handsome in every way possible.

And he was heading straight for Sugar!

"Sugar?" The man repeated. "_Sugar Kowalski?"  
_Sugar giggled. "Yes, only I'm Sugar Kane, now! I changed it!"

"And it suits you so well!" the man said.

After a slight pause she smiled. "Do I know you?"  
"Do you know me?" The man repeated.

_Geez, was this guy going to repeat everything Sugar said?_

"I would hope you'd recognize your own fiancé!"

Jerry's eyes widened and suddenly the chair came crashing down, and he landed hard on the concrete. Amazingly neither Sugar nor this wise guy noticed.

"Milton?" She squealed. "Milton Warner?"

"Yours truly!" he said with a grin the size of New York City.

"Oh Milton!" She threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

_What was going on? Who was this clown?_

"Where have you been?" Sugar asked. "I've missed you so much!"

"Well, I just came back from Australia; had a multi million dollar deal at stake. Fortunately everything worked out and now my company is wealthier than ever!"

At the mention of money, Sugar's eyes sparkled brighter than the sequined dresses she wore when she sang with Sweet Sue's band.

"That's very interesting!" She said. "What kind of business?"

The man shrugged. "Oh diamonds, jewelry, things like that."

Sugar gasped.

"Really? I just love diamonds!"

"What woman doesn't?" The man said with a chuckle.

Joe climbed to his feet, and sat back down on the chair, forgetting that he was supposed to be hidden from sight.

However, it didn't really matter. At that moment, Sugar only had eyes for Milton.

_Oh boy, this is bad..._


	3. Chapter 3

Dressed and ready for swimming, Joe studied himself in the mirror.

What a handsome guy!

In just a few short weeks, he'd gone from being an ordinary saxophone player to the object of Sugar Kane's affections.

Despite his confidence, he couldn't help but wonder if she would still care about him if she knew the truth.

From the instant he saw her walking down the platform at the train station, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Jerry was right... Sugar really did move like Jell-O on springs! And those legs!

Sugar had fallen (literally!) for his masquerade on the beach as Junior, and they had spent a Heavenly evening on Osgood's boat.

Meanwhile Osgood and Josephine tangoed the night away, and hadn't suspected a thing.

It was pure torture for Junior to pretend that he wasn't affected in the least by Sugar's passionate kisses, for nothing could have been further from the truth. His emotions were working overtime that night and he was sure that he would have eventually required medical attention.

When he heard Sugar pouring her heart out through song, something happened that he didn't think was possible. He'd fallen in love. He stared at her mesmerized, his heart breaking for her until he could take it no more.

Still dressed as Josephine, he'd simply walked around to where she was sitting...

and kissed her.

Suddenly he knew what he had to do. He had to tell her the truth. Come clean about everything. That he was a man who along with his best friend was being chased by Spats and his mob and that Josephine and Daphne were just disguises. There was no Junior of Shell Oil, and he certainly wasn't rich by any means.

The thought scared him to death, but he knew that if he really loved her she had to know.

She deserved so much more than the sweet end of the lollipop.

He checked his appearance one last time in the mirror and shoved his feet into a pair of old sneakers. Taking the stairs two at a time, he headed for the lobby and out the door en route to the pool and the woman he loved.

In the distance he spotted her. The curly platinum blond hair that he loved running his fingers through. Her ocean blue eyes and that sensuous body; the one that made him weak in the knees. The navy blue bathing suit she wore hugged her curves and made her look sexier than ever.

It was now or never. He took a deep breath and walked down the narrow pathway and through the gate that led to the hotel pool. Just as he reached her, he was stopped by Jerry who blocked his way.

"What's the big idea?"  
"Look, you don't want to go in that pool."  
"What? Why not?"

Jerry looked around uneasily. "Well, it's... It's full of germs, Joe! You know how you are about catching a cold!"

"A cold? Come on! Sugar's waiting for me. I promised her I'd swim with her." Joe said, trying to push his way past Jerry.

"I-I just talked to Sugar and she... she doesn't really want to swim right now. In fact, she told me she had a headache and wanted me to let you know she's going to lay down."

"Are you nuts? She's right there! Jerry, what is going on? Why are you trying to keep me from her?"

"Well..."

Joe finally shoved Jerry aside and made his way toward Sugar.

"Sugar! Darling here I am!" he said, forgetting to use his Cary Grant persona.

"Junior!" She cried when she saw him. "Over here!" She waved him over to where she stood smiling at a ridiculous looking man in a designer suit.

_Who wears a suit to a hotel swimming pool?_

"Hello, my love." He said, resuming his Cary Grant voice.

"Oh, Darling! You'll never guess who I ran into!" She said excitedly.

"No, I doubt I ever will." Junior agreed.

"Junior, this is Milton Warner. He's in the diamond business!"

"Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Warner." Junior said, extending his hand.

"Milton, this is Junior of Shell Oil! Hey, oil and diamonds! Have you two ever met before?" Sugar asked.

"No, I can't say that we have." Milton said. "Shell Oil, you say?"  
Joe swallowed hard, hoping this jerk wouldn't blow his cover before he had the chance to tell Sugar himself.

"Yes, that's right."  
"Well, how do you know Sugar here?"

The question caught Junior off guard.

"This beautiful woman and I met in Florida at the Seminole Ritz Hotel. For the past few months, we've been sailing the great oceans in search of happiness. But I didn't have to go far, my Darling. You bring me happiness every day of my life."

He took Sugar's hand and kissed it, but he couldn't help but notice that instead of her usual sweet giggling, she seemed uneasy and quickly pulled her hand away.

"Mmmm. How nice. You didn't tell me you were otherwise involved, Sugar." Milton said.

"Oh, well we're not really... But I had no idea I'd ever see you again!" Sugar said as her giggling returned.

"Oh, so you two know each other!" Junior said, staring at Sugar in disbelief.

Not involved! How could she _say_ that?

Not wanting to cause a scene, he gave his brightest fake smile.

"How nice. Sugar must have been a good customer. She always looked so beautiful on stage in her sparkling jewelry."

"Customer?" Milton asked.

"Well yes, isn't that what you call those who purchase diamonds from you?" Junior said adding a smirk to his sarcasm.

"Sugar's not a customer." Milton said. "She's my fiancée."


	4. Chapter 4

Joe was stunned beyond words.

Sugar was _engaged_? But what about all that talk about how men used her and how she'd had her heart broken so many times? His eyes darted to her hand which had clinched Milton's hand tightly.

The jerk. Who did he think he was? He comes waltzing back unannounced into Sugar's life and expects her to drop everything to marry him? Not going to happen.

He looked around nervously. "Well I was just going to take a quick swim around the pool. Would anyone care to join me?"  
"I will!" Sugar cried, waving her hand in the air like a schoolgirl.

Milton looked at the pool in disgust. "Are you _sure_ you want to do that, my love? There's no telling what kind of germs are floating around in that filthy pool!"

_Again with the germs. What was this world coming to?_

"Don't be silly!" Sugar said with a laugh. "Look at the water! It sparkles like diamonds! Come on, Junior!"

With a huge sigh of relief, Junior took her hand. "Yes, let's go, Darling."  
He laid his towel on a nearby beach chair and smiled as Sugar donned her blue bathing cap. She looked prettier than a picture.

"Come on in, Darling!" She called to him. She took a running start and then gracefully landed in the pool with a splash.

"Oh... the water is so refreshing!" she sighed.

"I'll be right there, Darling!" Junior called. He'd show this Milton character a thing or two. He removed his glasses and narrowed his eyes; studying the pool. He had to pick just the right entrance strategy.

Junior stood a few feet from the edge of the pool and then with a flying leap, landed in the pool with a perfect cannonball. Water splashed everywhere, sending several guests to their hotel rooms, screaming.

"What's the meaning of this?" Milton demanded. Joe looked over and couldn't help but chuckle. For Milton's near-perfect designer suit was now soaking wet.

"Oh, Mr. Warner! I'm dreadfully sorry! You see, I was a gold medalist in the 1926 Olympics. I guess I don't know my own strength!"

"Well, I never!" Milton turned on his heels and stormed off.

"Goodbye!" Sugar called to him.

"Now, where were we, Darling?" Junior said when they were alone.

"Oh Junior! Are you really an Olympic gold medalist?" Sugar asked with a smile.

"What?"  
"The Olympics! You said you won a gold medal!"

"I did? Oh! Yes, that's right! Such an exhilarating experience, standing on that podium. I'll never forget it!"

Immediately he felt guilty for lying to her again. She deserved to know the truth. He turned to her and smiled when he saw her floating contently on her back.

"Isn't this wonderful?" she purred.

"It certainly is, Darling."  
Sugar swam up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Mmmm... this is so romantic!" she sighed as she kissed him.

He closed his eyes and kissed her back, not wanting this moment to end. But then suddenly he remembered; she was engaged.

"Why'd you stop?" She asked when the kiss ended.

"What about your fiancé?"  
"Who, Milton? Oh... he's an absolute doll. He completely understands." She said with a smile.

This was getting ridiculous. It was time to confess everything. Sugar couldn't love two men at once!

"Darling, we need to talk." He said in his most serious Cary Grant voice.

"Okay, what did you want to talk about?" Sugar asked, running her fingers through his hair.

Junior looked around uneasily. "Perhaps we should go somewhere more private."  
"Sure, anywhere you'd like, Darling. How about your yacht?"

Junior almost choked. "No, that's not a good idea."  
"Why not? There's nowhere in the world more private than that." Sugar said, running a finger playfully down his chest.

"Well, it's been... sent out for repairs and I'm afraid it will take a while."  
Sugar gasped and put her hands on his face. "That's terrible!"

"It most certainly is!" Junior agreed. "Why don't we have a drink at a nice cozy table?"

Sugar sighed. "It sounds Heavenly! I'll meet you in the lobby in an hour. Now don't be late!"  
Junior couldn't help but stare as Sugar climbed out of the pool, wrapped a towel around her tiny waist and hurried into the hotel.


	5. Chapter 5

Wearily, Joe climbed out of the pool, wondering where the sudden chill had come from. No sooner had he begun to dry himself off when he turned to find Jerry standing just inches away.

"Jeez, Jerry! What's the big idea, scaring me half to death?"  
Jerry eyed him sternly. "Well, now you've done it! I never thought you'd sink this low!" Suddenly he laughed.

"What's so funny?" Joe demanded.

"That was pretty good, wasn't it? Get it? Sink? Yacht?" Jerry said, still laughing at the lame humor.

"Cut the wisecracks, Jerry! What's this about?"  
"I'm talking about Sugar!" Jerry yelled. "Where do you get off telling her such a big fat lie? Olympics, Joe? You can barely do the breaststroke!"

Joe started to protest but thought better of it. "Oh you're right. Who am I kidding? I'm a terrible person! This is no way to have a relationship!"  
"So what are you going to do?" Jerry asked.

"Well, I've done a lot of thinking about this, and..."  
"And what?"

"I'm gonna tell her the truth." Joe said, making the decision right then and there.

"That's a good idea. Tell her... THE TRUTH? Wait! Joe, you can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Why not? You'll blow our cover! We'll be goners for sure!"

"Jerry, I can't live my life as three people!" Joe said. "I want to be myself again!"  
"Fine, have it your way. Just leave me out of it!" Jerry said.

"Absolutely not. We're in this together. Besides, this girl band was _your_ idea." Joe said.

"You really think she's gonna buy that? She's not too bright, you know." Jerry said.

Joe sighed. "Yeah, but I love her, Jerry. No matter how she feels when I tell her the truth" His head hung low as he stared at his worn sneakers.

"She'll still love you." Jerry said.

Joe looked up in surprise. "You really think so?"  
Jerry smiled. "I've seen the way she looks at you. It's obvious that she's in love with you."

Joe was amazed. Crazy Jerry was finally showing a hint of sentiment.

"Thanks, Jerry. That means a lot." Joe said, patting his friend on the back.

With a new-found happiness, he wrapped his towel around his shoulders and made his way into the hotel.

"Good luck!" He heard Jerry calling to him.

(_30 minutes later_)

Joe walked into the hotel lobby, dressed almost as impeccably as Junior. He was sure going to miss that old guy. He'd miss Josephine too, but he wanted Sugar Kane to love him for who he was and not for some imposter.

He scanned the hotel lobby, looking for any sign of the woman he loved. When he spotted her, the sight took his breath away. She sat on a faded pink velour love seat, wearing a robin's egg blue dress that made her ocean blue eyes sparkle like sapphires. When they locked gazes, she smiled and ran to greet him.

"You look stunning, Darling!" He said as Junior. In all truth he was going to be grateful to leave the Cary Grant persona behind. The guy was getting on his nerves! He took Sugar in his arms and kissed her passionately.

"How about a drink?" He asked as he kissed her hand.

"That sounds wonderful!" She replied.

They walked to the hotel bar which was dimly lit; perfect for a little privacy.  
"Table for two, please." Junior said to the waiter, who then led them to a table by the door.

"If you don't mind, Son... we'd like a more private table." Said Junior. "How about that one in the corner?"

"Certainly, Sir." Suddenly the waiter stopped and stared. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

Junior scoffed. "I should think not!"  
"He's Shell Oil!" Sugar chimed in.

"Sugar, Please! No need to announce it to everyone! Come, let's sit."

They made their way to the small booth in a hidden corner of the bar and slid into the slick leather seats.

"I hope this is satisfactory." The waiter said.

"It's perfect." Sugar said, smiling sweetly.

"Can I get you a drink?" The waiter asked.  
"Two Manhattans, please. And make them doubles."  
The waiter smiled. "Right away, Doll."

When the waiter disappeared, Sugar turned to Junior. "So what did you want to talk about?"  
Junior took her hands in his. "Sugar, I-."  
"Here you go." The waiter said, placing both drinks on top of cocktail napkins. "Will there be anything else?"  
"No!" Junior said sternly.

Stunned, the waiter silently turned and walked away.

Sugar picked up her drink and handed the other one to Junior. "What should we drink to?"  
Junior thought for a second. "To truth and honesty."  
Sugar giggled. "That's a funny thing to drink to." She held up her glass and clinked it against his.  
"To truth and honesty." She said as she took a sip of her Manhattan.

Nervously, Joe downed the drink with one gulp.

"Wow! Sugar said. "You must have been thirsty!"

"Sugar, listen. I need to tell you something."  
"What?" She said a bit too enthusiastically.

Joe tried to smile, but he just couldn't.

"Darling, I'm not who you think I am."

She stared at him in surprise. "You're not?"  
Slowly Joe removed his glasses and the sailor hat, and then ruffled his hair. "My name isn't Junior and I don't run Shell Oil." He said in his normal voice.

When she was silent, he continued. "I'm not a millionaire. In fact, I'm about as far away from a millionaire as you can get."

As he predicted, Sugar was disappointed. "Oh... I see..."

"There's more." He said, knowing he had to tell her everything. "About Daphne and Josephine. I'm not sure how to tell you this, but..."

Sugar's eyes widened in anticipation.

"I'm Josephine."  
Sugar gasped in disbelief. "What about Daphne?"  
Joe sighed. "There is no Daphne. That's my best friend, Jerry. We're no dames. We're ordinary musicians; the tenor sax and the bow fiddler."

Sugar's sudden quietness scared him.

"I'm sorry Sugar. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"And the yacht?"  
"Belongs to a guy that we met at the hotel in Florida. See, he had a thing for Jerry... I mean Daphne, so I took advantage of the situation."

Tears filled Sugar's eyes. "So what's your real name?"

"It's Joe." He said, hating the sound of it.

"I never meant to hurt you. I was stupid."

A sob escaped. "I was the stupid one. But that's the story of my life. I'm just gullible, I guess. "  
Tears were streaming down her face, and Joe's heart felt as though it had been set aflame.

"I love you, Sugar." He said amazed at how easy the words came; and how deeply he meant them.

She laughed sarcastically. "Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that line, I could buy Shell Oil."  
To Joe's horror, she slid out of the booth and grabbed her small white purse.

"Where are you going?"

She turned to him. "I'm sorry for crying like this. Weren't you the one who told me that no guy is worth it? Or was that Josephine? I guess this means you aren't a gold medalist either."

Sadly he nodded.

"Goodbye, Joe."

And seconds later she was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Joe sat for a long time watching couples drift in and out of the bar. Some had their arms around each other, some held hands. However, they all had one thing in common:  
They were happy.

He was that happy once... earlier that evening.

"Check please!" he called to the waiter.

"Where's that beautiful girlfriend of yours?" The waiter asked when Joe handed him the money for the drinks.

"Gone." Joe said with a sigh.

The waiter rolled his eyes. "I can see that, Wiseguy! Where is she?"

"I don't know." Joe said sadly. "But if you see her, tell her that I love her, will ya? Not that she cares."

Without waiting for a response (or his change), Joe stood and walked out of the bar, as the waiter stared at him in confusion.

(later)  
Joe stood in the hallway and knocked on the hotel room door.

"Come on, Sugar. Open up! I gotta talk to you!"

But there was no response.

He tried again.

"Sugar, please. I didn't mean to hurt you. I promise I'll do anything to make it up to you."

When there was still no response, he leaned his head against the door. When it opened suddenly, he fell backwards, landing in the arms of a beautiful brunette in a maid's uniform.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" She asked in a heavy New York accent.

Joe blushed and pulled himself out of her arms.

"Sorry ma'am. I was looking for Sugar Kane."

The maid smacked her bubble gum. "Yeah? Well, she ain't here."

Joe was crushed. "Oh... Well, if you see her could you give her a message?"

She looked at him in confusion.

"What message?"

"Tell her that Joe says he loves her."

"Sure thing." The maid said, resuming her cleaning duties.

Sadly, Joe turned and walked away.

"Hey!"

He whirled around to find the maid running after him.

"What's wrong?" He asked in confusion.

"Did you say your name is Joe?"  
"Yeah, but..."

"Here, this is for you. The bellman asked me to give it to some guy named Joe."

She handed him a blue envelope that was the same shade as Sugar's eyes.

"Where is she?" he asked.

The maid shrugged.

"Beats me. I guess she checked out. That's why I'm in there cleaning the room. To get it ready for the next guest."

Joe stared at the envelope, running his fingers across his name written on the front in black ink.

"Thanks." He said, not really meaning it.

He leaned against the wall and slowly opened the envelope. Inside was a letter, in the same beautiful shade of blue, in Sugar's beautiful penmanship.

_Dear Joe,_

_How I wish I could have addressed this letter to Junior of Shell Oil or even Josephine. They made me happy... Happier than I've ever been. We had such a good time in Florida and sailing around the seas. I wanted that feeling to last forever. _

_But I guess it wasn't meant to be._

_And then I was unexpectedly reunited with Milton Warner. He's everything I ever dreamed. He has loads of money so that he can buy me everything a girl could ask for. After all, they say that diamonds are a girl's best friend and oh boy, are they ever right!Diamonds don't lie or lead a girl on. _

_I'm not sure if I love Milton, but he's asked me to marry him and I accepted. It's probably a big mistake, but as you know... I'm not very bright. I'll be happy with him. How could I not, when I'm surrounded by diamonds? _

_Good luck, Joe. I'll never forget you._

_Love,_

_Sugar Kane_

_PS: I'll always regret that you never serenaded me with "Come To Me, My Melancholy Baby" on your saxophone. That would have made me weak in the knees! _

Joe kissed the letter and put it back in the envelope.

"I'll always love ya, Sugar. I just wish I could get you back." He said as he walked back to his hotel room, feeling more alone than a guy had a right to feel.


	7. Chapter 7

As Joe wearily entered his hotel room, he immediately sank down on the bed and began reading Sugar's letter for a third time.

He still couldn't believe it.

"Is that you, Joe?"

The bathroom door opened and Jerry emerged wearing a terrycloth robe; drying his hair with a towel.

"So how'd it go?" Jerry asked.

"Oh, well..."

"Did you see Sugar?"

"Uh huh." Joe said glumly.

Jerry smiled. "You know, I always liked her. She may be a little dim ,but boy can she sing! I mean, the way she moved when she played that ukulele on the train... WOW! It just... What's wrong?"

Joe looked down at the letter and then wordlessly handed it to Jerry.

"What's this?"

"It's from Sugar." Jerry said sadly.

Jerry began to read and suddenly lowered himself onto a nearby chair.

"Oh boy."

He finished the letter quickly, and then returned it to the envelope and looked at his friend.

"Gee, I'm sorry Joe. What happened?"

Joe sighed. "You were right. I shouldn't have told her the truth."

Jerry shrugged. "Well, actually I was wrong about that. I-I mean, I know we paraded around as Daphne and Josephine and I admit, I did fudge the truth with Osgood quite a bit. But Osgood and I... we had a relationship based on honesty!"

At Joe's incredulous look, Jerry shook his head and sighed.

"Oh who am I kidding? I didn't love Osgood. I didn't even really like him. I'm a boy! I led him on for months! No wonder he left me!"

At Jerry's ridiculous ranting, Joe suppressed a smile.

"No dame is ever going to treat me as well as Osgood did, you know? I guess I'm doomed to stay single forever."

"That makes two of us." Joe said.

"Look, I know you think that now, but we're in California! There are hundreds of girls in this state who would fall for you! Just like Sugar fell for you. Literally I might add." Jerry said, laughing at the irony.

"Yeah..." Joe sighed. "But I don't want anyone else. I want Sugar Kane."

"You really loved her didn't you?"

When Joe stood and walked out of the hotel room, Jerry smiled. He didn't need an answer. He already knew.


	8. Chapter 8

Jerry stormed into the US Coast Guard office and slammed the door behind him.

"I need some service!" he yelled.

A plain-looking woman emerged from the back room. "All right, all right! Just hold your horses! What's the big emergency?"

Jerry reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture. "I need to find this yacht. As soon as possible!"

The woman took the picture and glared at it. "Who is this?"

Jerry smiled in spite of himself. "That's Osgood. And that..." he said, pointing to the picture, "...is his yacht!"

The woman smirked. "And who are you?"

Jerry shook her hand proudly. "I am Jerry. His finance."

The woman quickly let go of his hand and her eyes widened.

"Excuse me?"

Realizing what he had said, Jerry quickly changed the subject.

"Look, lady. Are you gonna help me or not?"

She sighed. "Mister it's gonna be impossible to find a yacht like this when all we have to go on is a blurry picture."

"Really..." Jerry said, reaching for his wallet. "Perhaps I could change your mind."

"What are you talking about?"

Jerry pulled out a wad of money and flashed it in the woman's face. "Will five hundred dollars do the trick?"

The woman gasped. "Um..."

Jerry smiled. "That's what I thought. So are you gonna help me or not?" he asked again.

Finally the gruff woman smiled. "Certainly sir! We aim to please!"

Jerry scoffed. "Yeah, I bet. So here's what I want. I want that yacht located immediately and a phone call no later than 10am tomorrow."

She shook her head. "No way. Impossible."

"Playing hard to get, are you?" Jerry asked. "Okay..." He reached into his wallet again and pulled out another wad of cash. "Will a thousand satisfy you?"

The woman swallowed hard and picked up the phone. "Coast guard base, this is the California office. I have an emergency-a missing yacht. What was that? Yes sir, the situation is dire. Missing person? Yes... um... most definitely... You'll put a four alarm alert on it? Thank you sir."

"Satisfied?" She snapped as she hung up the phone.

Jerry smiled. "Absolutely. You know, whoever said that money doesn't talk has never met me."

"We'll give you a call in a couple of days." The woman said.

"A couple of _days_? No! I need to find that yacht _now_!" Jerry yelled. He opened his wallet once more. "All right. This is my last and final offer... two thousand dollars."

The woman's eyes grew as wide as saucers and for a moment he thought that she might faint.

"Well..." Jerry said giving her a fake smile. "I guess I'll be hearing from you tomorrow?"  
"What?" The woman looked up from her dazed state.

"The yacht?" He reminded her as he pointed to the phone.

"Oh yes." Again she picked up the phone. "Coast guard base, this is the California office again. About the missing yacht... make that a code red."

"Code red?" Jerry asked when the woman hung up the phone.

"Yes sir." She said. "I'll call you by 10am tomorrow."  
Jerry sighed with relief.

Thank God...

As he walked out of the office he saw the woman waving cheerfully as though they were old pals.

Of course she liked him... He'd just given her every penny he had.

_Joe, I hope you appreciate this... you owe me big time... literally._


	9. Chapter 9

"_Oh Joe... I'm sorry I hurt you." Sugar said. "It's you I love, not Milton."  
Joe took her in his arms and kissed her. "I love you, Sugar. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."  
Slowly he got down on one knee and took her hand. _

"_Sugar Kane? Will you marry-"_

The ringing phone startled Joe out of a deep sleep. He rolled over and opened his eyes, disheartened to find that he'd been dreaming.

Groggily, he picked up the receiver. "Hello? Yeah, hang on a sec... Jerry! It's for you!" he yelled.

Jerry groaned. "Tell them I'm busy."  
Joe returned his attention to the phone. "Jerry's busy right now and-hey! Do you have any idea what time it is?" He squinted, trying to focus on the alarm clock next to his bed. "It's barely 5am. You have some nerve calling at this hour! Emergency? Well, call back later... like after the sun comes up! Who is this anyway? The Coast Guard? I'm sorry but this isn't a cruise ship, and-"

Suddenly, Jerry bolted upright in his bed. "I'll get that!" he yelled, putting on his robe as he raced to the phone.

Joe handed Jerry the receiver and watched with interest.

"Hello? Oh yes, I remember. Thanks so much for calling me back. Oh right... I'd forgotten all about that. Well, you see, it's supposed to be a surprise, so... Really? Well, okay. I'll see you then. Thank you again."  
Quickly he hung up the phone.

"What in the world was that all about?" Joe demanded.  
"Oh, just something I was checking on for Osgood. Useless Coast Guard. Should have had that information months ago!"  
"Osgood? But he's been gone for a while now. Why are you doing a favor for him?"  
Jerry cringed. "Oh... well... see, he wanted me to check on it a long time ago and I figured... well, he might come back, so I wanted to have the information ready for him."

Joe's eyes narrowed. "What kind of information?"

"Nothin'. Nothin'. Just go back to sleep." Jerry said.

Incredibly Joe did as he was told. When Jerry was sure that Joe had returned to a deep sleep, he crept out of bed and quickly scribbled a note on the hotel stationery.

_Joe, _

_Had to go out for a while. Be back when I can._

_Jerry._

Within minutes, Jerry was dressed and out the door, headed for Osgood.

_Joe, I hope you appreciate this..._


	10. Chapter 10

The speedboat ride to the island was bumpy and choppy, but Jerry hardly noticed. His heart was racing faster than the speedboat as they moved closer and closer to the secluded California island.

The last person he wanted to see was Osgood (the dirty old man!) but Jerry's best friend was heartbroken and if there was one thing to be said about Jerry, it was that he was loyal.

Before he knew it, the boat rounded a corner and slowed to a stop. He paid the driver and climbed out of the boat, armed with an overnight bag. Silently he prayed that he would only need to stay a few minutes.

Just the thought of spending time with Osgood made his skin crawl.

Jerry made his way down the long dock until he spotted the familiar yacht. What was the proper etiquette for visiting someone on a yacht? They didn't have doorbells and hardly had a door. Finally he settled for the next best thing.

"OSGOOD!"

Within seconds, Osgood's head appeared and, upon seeing Jerry, his mouth curved into a smile.

_Oh boy..._

Well, might as well make the best of it.

Jerry stood on the dock and waved enthusiastically, prompting Osgood to do the same.

_Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy..._

He walked down the ramp until he was met by Osgood.

_Please let this be over soon..._

"Well, well! We meet again!" Osgood said.

"How ya doin', Osgood?" Jerry asked.

Osgood flashed him a blinding smile. "Much better now that you're here!"

_Oh man...  
_

Osgood led Jerry to the boat and then bowed. "Please... come in."

Reluctantly, Jerry climbed on board and greeted Osgood with a handshake.

"Please... have a seat." Osgood said as they entered the cabin. "It's so nice to see you."  
"I need a huge favor." Jerry said, ignoring Osgood's sentiment.

"What kind of favor? Money? A trip around the world?"

"No, but speaking of that..." Jerry said.

"Oh. You want to know why I took off the way I did, right?" Osgood asked.

Jerry feigned hurt. "Well, I _was_ surprised."

"Really?" Osgood asked, incredulous.

"Oh yeah... You have no idea."

"I'm sorry, Jerry. I just needed some time... alone." Osgood explained.

"Oh..." Jerry said, hoping his charade was working.

"Well, you see... Daphne broke my heart." Osgood said.

Jerry looked at Osgood in amazement. Was the guy really that naïve, that he didn't realize that Jerry _was_ Daphne? Even after Jerry revealed his true identity?

_Oh brother..._

"What I wouldn't do for one last night of dancing with Daphne!" Osgood said dreamily. "Such a beautiful woman! Zowie!"

Jerry's eyes lit up. "Really? What _wouldn't _you do?"  
At Osgood's puzzled expression, Jerry changed the subject.

"Dancing, huh? Well, I'll see what I can do. Now, about this favor..."


	11. Chapter 11

Jerry scrambled to change into his Daphne ensemble. She had a date tonight! Probably the most important of her life!

"I can't believe I'm doing this again!" Jerry mumbled to the empty hotel room. When he heard a noise in the hallway, he panicked. He simply could not let Joe find out about this!

At lightening speed, he put on the blue silk dress he'd so carefully picked out, tearing one of his chests in the process.  
"Great! Well... too late to fix it now!"

When he was dressed, he glanced at himself in the mirror. He looked pretty good! Osgood was sure to be pleased.

"Wait..." he told himself. "This is for Joe and Sugar... I'm a boy... I'm a boy... I'm a boy..."

A knock on the hotel door startled him.

Osgood!

As quickly as possible he walked to the door, trying not to trip in his high heels. How do women walk in these things, let alone dance?

Taking a deep breath, Daphne smiled sweetly and opened the door. At the sight of her, Osgood lit up like a Christmas tree.

"ZOWIE!"

Jerry had to admit that Osgood actually looked handsome tonight. In fact, if Jerry really _had_ been a girl, he just might have fallen in love.

Daphne laughed. "Oh, Osgood! You flatter me!"

Osgood offered her his arm. "Shall we paint the town red?"  
"We shall, Dear!" Daphne replied, linking her arm through his.

And off they went, ready to tango the night away.

(At the pier dance)

The lights were low and the tango music was going steady. Osgood and Daphne danced the night away.  
"Osgood?" Daphne said as they danced cheek to cheek.

"Yes, Dear?"

Daphne cringed at the pet name. "Can I ask you something?"

Osgood smiled and drew Daphne closer before leaning her back in a dip.

"Of course, my Dear. You can ask me anything."

_Again with the 'Dear'._

"What do you think about Sugar?" Jerry asked.

Osgood's eyes twinkled. "I love it! Anything sweet is my cup of tea! And I like it in tea, too!"

Daphne rolled her eyes and groaned. Boy this guy really was naïve!

"No! Not that kind of sugar! Sugar Kane! The girl who traveled with us!"

Osgood laughed. "Oh yes! Lovely girl! What about her?"

"Well, see... she broke Joe's heart." Jerry said.

Boy that was an understatement!  
"Oh?" was Osgood's reply.

"Yeah. Seems she met this millionaire at the hotel pool and now she's run off and married him."  
Osgood shook his head. "Well, that is a shame."  
"A shame? It's a disgrace, I tell you! Joe went to all that trouble to tell her the truth and she goes and does a thing like this. If I were him, I would just forget about her all together, but when you're in love..."

Osgood sighed. "I know the feeling."

Ignoring Osgood's far-off look, Daphne continued. "You see, Joe's heartbroken and he's my best friend. I don't think Sugar was thinking clearly when she agreed to marry this jerk. I want to find her and talk some sense into her."

Osgood smiled. "Why Darling! That's a wonderful thing to do!"

"Thank you!" Daphne said proudly. "I'm glad someone thinks so. Now will you help me?"

Osgood let go of Daphne's hand and walked over to a table, returning seconds later with a red rose. He smiled and handed her the rose. "Anything for you, Dear."

The sentimental gesture nearly gave Jerry hives.

"Let's go back to the yacht." Jerry said quickly. "All this dancing has worn me out!"

"Really?" Osgood asked, obviously encouraged by this offer.

Suddenly Jerry realized what he had said. "I-I mean... we should go back to the yacht... um... so that we can find Sugar."

Without waiting for a response, Jerry grabbed Osgood's hand and pulled him away from the dance floor; the rose falling to the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

Daphne sat on the sofa in the small cabin, praying that Osgood wouldn't try anything. The dirty old man!

"So what did you find out?" Daphne asked, giving Osgood her sweetest smile.

"Who did you say she married again?" Osgood asked.

Daphne scoffed. "Milton Warner. Some jerk who has a huge fortune in diamonds. Probably swept Sugar off of her feet."

Osgood's eyes widened. "Did you say _Milton Warner_?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh no... This is bad." Osgood said.

"Bad? Why? What's wrong?" Jerry asked, suddenly becoming worried.

"Milton Warner is the biggest crook this side of the Pacific Ocean." Osgood said.

Daphne shot out of the seat, tearing her other chest. "What!"

"Yeah, it's all over the paper. He charms women with his diamonds and fortunes and when they least suspect it, he takes them hostage." Osgood said.

"Hostage?" Jerry said, forgetting to use Daphne's voice. "Well, we have to do something!"

"But how?" Osgood asked with a shrug.

"We'll just sail until we find them."  
Osgood stood and put his arm around Daphne. "Sounds good to me, Dear."

(Later)

Jerry burst through the door of the hotel room, surprised to find it dark considering that it was almost 3 in the afternoon.

"Joe?"

But there was no answer.

Jerry walked into the room and turned on the light. "Joe? You in here?"  
Still no answer.

He walked further into the room until he spotted his friend sitting on the balcony, staring out to the sea.

The poor guy.

He looked like he didn't have a friend in the world.

A sudden surge of anger flew through Jerry. Darn that Sugar! Who did she think she was, breaking his best friend's heart? And for money no less!

"Joe?"  
Slowly Joe turned and looked at Jerry, wearing the saddest expression that Jerry had ever seen.

Not knowing what to say, Jerry stepped onto the balcony and sat down next to his friend.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

Joe ignored him.

Of course he did. What person who had just had their heart broken would answer such a stupid question. Clearly Joe was anything but okay.

"Maybe she's not worth it." Jerry said matter-of-factly.

Joe turned to him. "Not worth it? Not _worth_ it? Are you _crazy_? Without her, I'm nothing! Even more than I was before!"

"Joe..."

Joe shook his head sadly.

"It's no use, Jerry. I'm finished. Washed up. Spats and those guys should have done me in."

"All right, enough of this talk." Jerry said. He grabbed Joe by the sleeve and forced him out of the chair.  
"Wait... what are you doing?" Joe asked.

Jerry frantically began to pack their belongings, making sure they hadn't forgotten anything.  
"Jerry!" Joe yelled, watching his friend. "What's going on?"

"Come on..." Jerry said. "Osgood's waiting for us."


	13. Chapter 13

"Jerry, would you mind telling me what we're doing here?" Joe asked as they walked down the ramp that led to Osgood's yacht.

"You'll find out soon enough." Jerry said.

"Welcome!" Osgood said when Jerry and Joe climbed into the yacht. "Ready for the adventure of your lives?"  
Joe looked worriedly at Jerry. "What is he talking about?"

Ignoring the question, Jerry smiled at Osgood. "So how long is this going to take?"  
"Oh... I'd say we'll be there by morning."

"Where's _there_?" Joe asked. "Will someone _please_ tell me what's going on?"

Jerry thrust a pillow and blanket into Joe's arms. "Just get some rest, will ya? We'll be there before you know it."

"Where?" Joe almost yelled.

"Goodnight, Joe." Jerry said with a wave and a smile.

Frustrated, Joe took his blanket and pillow and headed downstairs to the shoebox sized sleeping quarters.

Jerry hated keeping his friend in the dark, but he knew it would be worth it in the end. At least he hoped so.

If Sugar and Junior didn't reconcile, Jerry wasn't sure what would happen. And he sure didn't want to find out.

(The next morning)

Jerry woke earlier than normal. He squinted at the bright sunshine coming through the tiny porthole and tried to focus on the view.

"Zowie!"

Startled, Joe opened his eyes and sat up. "What?"  
"Will you look at that, Joe? It's gorgeous!"

Joe looked out the window and gasped. They were heading right for the most beautiful island he'd ever seen.

"Where are we?"

"You'll see, Joe. Just get dressed."  
"Jerry, what's with the big secrecy?" Joe demanded.

Jerry put his hand on Joe's shoulder. "Look... do you trust me?"

"No." Joe said.

"Okay then... Wait, what do you mean, _no_' ?... Come on, Joe! I may have steered you wrong in the past, but not about this! Get dressed and meet me outside. I'll explain everything."

(On the island)  
"What would she be doing here?" Joe asked.

"Milton probably wined and dined her, made her fall in love with him and now he's holding her hostage. He's a thief, Joe." Jerry explained.

"We've got to find her, Jerry! I can't lose her!" Joe said worriedly.

"We'll find her, I promise." Jerry said, putting a hand on Joe's shoulder. "Come on, let's go."

They followed Osgood around the island until they were almost completely worn out. Just as he was about to give up, Joe heard a rustling noise.

"What's that?"

"I'm not sure." Osgood said. "Let's go check it out."

They walked until they came to a garden behind a large house.

"What is this?" Jerry asked.

"Sure is beautiful... except for that patch of tall weeds over there." Joe said.

"Shhh! I hear something!" Jerry said.

"You'd better do as I say or else. Do you understand me? Now we said for better or for worse and I think I've definitely gotten the 'worse'! Now get to work!" A gruff voice said.

"But Milton, I'm so tired. I just want to rest for a minute. These weeds are killing me!"

That voice! Sugar!

"Sugar!" Joe yelled. "Sugar! Are you here, Sweetheart?"

There was a sound of rustling and suddenly a figure appeared. It was so beautiful that Joe could have sworn he was looking at an angel.

Sugar...

He must have said her name out loud because she stepped into the light. When she saw him, she gasped and put her hand over her mouth in surprise.

"Joe!"  
Joe stepped out from his hiding place and went to her. He held out his arms to invite her in, when suddenly he saw a hand grab her arm, causing her to scream.

"What did I tell you? Don't talk to strangers!" Milton yelled.

"But... but he's not a stranger. He's..."  
"I don't care who he is. You're not to talk to him, or anyone!" Milton said. He grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back, causing her to struggle to free herself. But it was no use.

Joe watched helplessly.

"Leave me alone, you bully!" Sugar yelled.

"Bully? You promised to love me and now look what you've done!"

"I've just come to my senses, I guess!" Sugar said. Just as she broke free, Milton grabbed her arm even harder this time.

When Sugar cried out in pain, a red hot flame rose inside of Joe. He couldn't let Milton treat her like this.

"Let her go." He ordered.

Milton looked up in shock. "What did you say?"  
"You heard me, I said let her go." Joe repeated.

"Why don't you make me?" Milton asked.

Joe smiled "With pleasure." He walked over to Milton, prepared for a fight. Just as he was about to swing, he felt Jerry holding him back.

"What'd you do that for?"

"Because I don't want to see you die, okay?" Jerry said. "Now, come on. Let's go."

"I'm not leaving without Sugar." Joe said. He glanced at Sugar who had tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

"Just come on, okay?" Jerry grabbed Joe's arm and turned him away from Sugar and Milton.

"I can't just leave her here!" Joe said. "I love her!"

"I know... just come with me."

"I can't." Joe said. He turned and walked back to where Milton was standing.

"What do you want?" Milton yelled.

"To give you some advice." Joe answered.  
Milton smirked. "Advice? What advice could you possibly have for me?"

Joe made a fist. "Stand back, Sugar."  
Sugar did as she was told.

"All right, Milton. You asked for it." Joe pulled his arm back and then swung as hard as he could, knocking Milton to the ground.

Sugar gasped and dropped to her knees to check on Milton. "Why did you do that?" She asked Joe.

"Because he shouldn't treat you like that. And... Because I love you."  
Slowly Sugar stood and looked at him in amazement. "You do?"

"Oh yeah..."

Sugar smiled and put her arms around him. "Oh Joe..."

"Come on, Sugar." Joe said. "Let's get out of here."  
They walked hand in hand back to Osgood's yacht. It was a good thing that Sugar wasn't very bright.


	14. Chapter 14

Just as they reached the boat landing, Sugar let go of Joe's hand.

"What's wrong?" Joe asked.

"This. I can't... do this." Sugar replied.

"What are you talking about?"

When Sugar turned away, Joe gently turned her to face him. Suddenly he looked into her eyes as though he were seeing her for the first time.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Sugar asked.

"What did Milton do to you?" Joe asked gently. His beautiful Sugar's face was filled with pain. There were smudges of dirt on her cheeks and forehead.

He reached for her hand and was surprised to find rough, dry skin instead of its usual silkiness, wondering why he hadn't noticed it before.

"Sugar, what did Milton do to you?" He asked again.

"N-nothing. H-he just..."

"Sugar, please! I need to know!"

"Why? So you can use it against me?" she yelled, startling him with the outburst.

"No. Of course not." He answered softly. "I-I just... care about you."

"Then _why_, Joe? Why did you lie to me?" she asked. "All I wanted was for someone to love me... for _me_! I know I'm not very bright. In fact, I'm the most gullible person on the planet, but I have feelings, Joe!"

The tears that glistened in her eyes were now falling onto her cheeks.  
Joe stared at her, suddenly ashamed. He had no idea that he had hurt her this deeply.

"Sugar, I-."

"Goodbye, Joe." She let go of his hand and turned to run away.

"Sugar!" Joe called to her. "Wait! Sugar please! Don't leave me again! I love you!"

When she didn't stop, he started to run after her.

When she disappeared from sight, Joe stopped and sighed.

Joe! Where are you going?"

He stopped and turned to find Jerry running toward him.

"I was trying to catch Sugar." He said, trying to catch his breath.

"_Catch Sugar_? Why?"

"She left me." He said sadly.

"Left you? Again?"

Joe looked away.

Jerry put his hand on Joe's shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. What happened?"

"It just wasn't meant to be." Joe said.

"Joe, you can't think that she's gone forever." Jerry said.

"Well, what else can I think, Jerry? I broke her heart! I lied to her!"

"So fight for her, Joe! Go find her and profess your love to her!"

"You really think she'll listen to me?" Joe asked.

"She's hurting right now. Boy, whatever Milton Warner did to her must have been a doozy."

"And it's all my fault." Joe said.

"Find her, Joe. You love her and I know she loves you. You deserve it." Jerry said.

Joe smiled, deeply touched that his friend cared about him. In a gesture that surprised even Joe, he reached out and hugged his friend. "Thanks, Jerry."

Uncomfortable with the sudden sentiment, Jerry's face reddened. "Go on, get out of here."  
Jerry smiled as he watched Joe take off in search of the woman he loved.


	15. Chapter 15

Where could she be?  
Heartbroken and worn out from searching for nearly two hours, Joe made the painful decision to return to the yacht. It hurt deeply, but how did that saying go? If you love someone, set them free?

_Well Sugar, I hope you're happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world. But just remember, I'll always love you. _

With a sigh, he began the long walk back to Osgood's yacht.

Sugar didn't deserve him. He was a liar and a phony. A nobody that played the saxophone and went on the run from guys named Spats.

No guy was worth it. Wasn't that what he'd told Sugar? Perhaps she'd taken his advice.

Just as he rounded the corner of a narrow pathway, he stopped and looked around. He wasn't sure exactly what made him pause. Was there such a thing as men's intuition? He chest felt tight as he slowly turned around, gasping at the vision.

Sugar...

Quickly he went to her, not caring if she rejected him. She sat on a park bench, sobbing into her hands. He sat down beside her, daring to reach out and touch her chin. She looked up, breaking his heart once more when he saw her sad expression.

Suddenly, their eyes met...

"Sugar..."

He didn't know if it was love or instinct, but when she gasped and threw her arms around him, he didn't care what the reason was.

He held her close; her soft blonde hair falling onto his fingertips. A flood of relief rushed through him as she grasped him tightly, as though she couldn't let go.

And frankly, he didn't want her to.

Ever so slowly, she pulled away from him, still gazing into his eyes. Joe couldn't resist brushing a lock of hair from her face.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Oh Joe, it was awful!" Sugar said tearfully. "He promised me diamonds and jewelry and trips around the world. Instead he took me here and ordered me to work day and night, like a slave. When I tried to refuse, he threatened to hurt me. I've never been so scared in my life! I had no idea that anyone could be so cruel."

Joe's heart ached for her. "Oh Sugar..."

"It's okay, really. It's my own fault for being so dumb and gullible. Men have been using me my whole life. I should be used to it by now."

Gently, he brushed a tear from her cheek with his fingertips. "Don't say that."  
She looked away. "I-I just wanted someone to love me, but I guess it's never going to happen."  
"That's not true."

Surprised, she returned her gaze to his. "What do you mean?"  
He answered her with a kiss.

When the kiss ended, he smiled. "I love you, Sugar Kane."  
She gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

"I've loved you from the moment I saw you walking to the train." Joe continued.

"Joe..."

"I can't give you diamonds or trips around the world. I'm just an ordinary saxophone player; a guy who seems to always be looking for a job. I owe money to so many people that I can't keep track of 'em. So if you don't want me, I'll understand. We'll go back to the yacht and Osgood will take you anywhere you want to go. Then you'll be free."

Tears filled his eyes as he kissed her hand, letting it linger in his until he rose from the bench and began to make his way back to the dock.

In the distance, he could hear her crying softly, but he didn't dare turn around. If he did, he might shatter...

In his heart, he knew he was doing the right thing.

He loved her and he had to set her free.


	16. Chapter 16

Tears welled in his eyes as Joe walked back to the yacht. What a mess he had made of everything. If he hadn't agreed to Jerry's ridiculous idea to join a woman's bad, he would have never had met Sugar Kane.

And perhaps his heart wouldn't be hurting so badly.

As he approached the yacht, he found Jerry and Osgood waiting for him.

"Well? Did you find her?" Jerry asked with hopeful enthusiasm.

"Yeah. I found her." Joe sighed miserably.

"And?"  
"And I don't want to talk about it, okay? Let's just... get out of here."  
"Are you crazy?" Jerry asked. "Leave Sugar here _alone_? What if Milton tries to get revenge? He'll annihilate her!"

"She'll be fine. She's better off without me." Joe said.

Jerry and Osgood exchanged glances.

"Come on, let's go!" Joe yelled. "It'll be dark soon!"  
"Joe! It won't be dark for another..." Jerry looked at his watch "... six hours! What's the big rush?"

Joe gave Jerry a look that said it all.

"Let's go, Osgood." Jerry ordered.

Osgood smiled brightly. "Anything you say, Dear!"

Joe rolled his eyes at Osgood's cheerful smile. How could Osgood smile so much when Joe was so miserable?

"Oh, Brother!" Jerry said. "Enough with the _Dear_, Osgood! This isn't Daphne you're talking to, ya know!"

"I know!" Osgood said, still grinning from ear to ear.

As the engine roared to life and slowly pulled away from the dock, Jerry turned to Joe.

"Can you believe the _nerve_ of that guy? I practically tell him our life story, and explain to him that I'm Daphne and he _still_ doesn't get it! I mean seriously, who wouldn't-."

Jerry stared out the tiny window in shock.

"Osgood! Stop the boat!"

Startled, Osgood slammed on the brakes, thrusting Joe and Jerry foreword.

"What's the big idea?" Joe demanded as he and Jerry peeled themselves off of the floor. "Osgood, are you trying to kill us?"

"Joe, look!" Jerry said. "Osgood, pull the yacht back to the pier!"

Osgood did as instructed, and the boat slowly began to move backwards.

"What's going on?" Jerry asked.  
"Over there!" Jerry yelled, pointing to the window.

Joe followed Jerry's gaze, stunned at what he saw.

Wait for me! Please!"

She ran down the sidewalk, waving madly at the yacht. "Please, stop! Don't leave!"

"Sugar!" Jerry rushed to the door and pushed it open, narrowly missing the water in the process. To his relief, he regained his footing and stepped onto the dock, running until he reached her.

He stopped just inches from her and put his hands on her shoulders.  
"Sugar, what's wrong?"

"_I_ was." She said with a breathless sigh.

"What are you talking about?"  
"I was wrong, Joe. But I just didn't see it. All I wanted was money and diamonds."

Joe swallowed hard. "And now?"

Sugar smiled through her tears. "Money isn't everything. All I want is you... I love you Joe."

Joe couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean it?"

Sugar sighed and put her arms around his neck. "Does this answer your question?"

Before he could respond, she kissed him with more passion than he'd ever been kissed before.

When they parted, he felt as though he would faint.

"Where did you learn to kiss like that?" He asked in his best Cary Grant.

"Here, let me show you." Sugar said, kissing him again.

(Meanwhile on the yacht)

Osgood and Jerry stood at the entrance to the yacht, staring at the romantic scene on the dock.

"Zowie!" Osgood exclaimed.

"Boy, you can say that again!" Jerry said with a smile.

"Okay. Zow-wie!" Osgood repeated.

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Osgood, I swear you do that just to annoy me!"

Joe and Sugar walked back to the yacht with their arms around each other and love in their hearts.

"Greetings!" Osgood said with a bow as Joe and Sugar climbed onto the yacht.

"Hey Sugar." Jerry said, almost bashfully.

"Hey Daphne. I mean, Jerry!" Sugar giggled.

Jerry frowned. "Look, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to-."  
Sugar smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

Jerry blushed and put his hand on his cheek where she kissed him.

"Zowie!"


	17. Chapter 17

(1 Month later-the Seminole-Ritz Hotel)

The Florida sun shone brightly, warming Joe's face as he lay on the large beach towel that he shared with Sugar.

"Mmm... This is Heavenly." Sugar sighed.

Joe turned to her and smiled. "If this is Heaven, then you must be an angel." He said, causing her to giggle.

Jerry rolled his eyes as Sugar and Jerry embraced and then kissed passionately.

"Oh brother! How long are you two going to keep this up?" Jerry asked.

"Just until forever." Sugar said as she snuggled into Joe's arms.

Jerry scratched his head. "There's one thing I can't figure out."  
"What's that?" Joe asked.

"Why in the heck did you insist on coming back here? Geez, Joe! We almost got killed in this hotel!"

"Because this is where I fell in love with Sugar!" Joe said, causing Sugar's eyes to fill with tears at the sentiment.

"That's so romantic." She said.

"But not as romantic as this." Joe said.

Sugar gasped when Joe produced a small black velvet box.

"Where in the world did you get the money to pay for that?" Jerry demanded. "We barely make enough money for food!"

Jerry ignored his friend and got down on bended knee, taking Sugar's hand in his.

"Sugar Kane, will you marry me?"

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she nodded, unable to answer.

Joe smiled. "I'll take that as a _yes_!"

With trembling fingers, he removed the diamond ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger. Ignoring the stares and applause that followed, Joe took his fiancé into his arms and kissed her.

Suddenly she gasped and pulled away. "Oh no!"

"What's wrong?" Jerry asked, fearing that she had changed her mind.

"This is terrible." She replied.

Joe felt his happiness slowly dissolve.

_Please don't let this be happening..._

"What's wrong? Tell me, please!" He begged her.

"We simply must find someone for Jerry and Osgood! They can't be the only ones without girls to love!" Sugar said.

Overcome with relief , Joe had to fight not to smile at the seriousness of her tone.

"Now, don't you worry about me!" Jerry said. "I'll be fine. And so will Osgood!"

"I have a surprise for you." Joe said to Sugar in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"Another one? Joe, you've done so much already." Sugar said as stroked his cheek with her fingers.

_Yeah, I've done enough all right_...

"This is more than I ever dreamed!" She exclaimed. Proudly, she held out her hand, allowing the diamond ring to sparkle in the sunlight.

Joe gave her a lingering kiss that nearly took her breath away.

"Where are you going?" She called to him when the kiss ended and he rose to his feet.

"I love you, Sugar!" he yelled back as he ran toward the hotel.

"What was that all about?" Jerry asked when Joe disappeared from sight.

Sugar shrugged. "I don't know! He just left! But he'll be back. I know he will!"

Minutes later, Jerry jumped in surprise when he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder.

"Joe! What's the big idea, leaving Sugar all alone like-."  
He turned around stunned to find a beautiful redhead smiling at him.

"H-Hello!" He said; his face turning as pink as her lipstick.

"Is that your friend over there?" The woman asked, pointing to Osgood.

"Um yeah." Jerry said. "And over there..." He pointed out to the sea "... is his yacht."

The woman gasped in surprise. "His yacht?"

"So..." Jerry said. "What brings you to Florida?"

The woman giggled, reminding Jerry of Sugar.

"We're musicians."

"We?"  
"Yeah, my friend Marilyn and I." The woman said. "We're staying at the hotel."

"You don't say... Well, where is Marilyn?"

The redhead turned and pointed. "Here she comes now! Marilyn, over here!"

Jerry looked up; his eyes widening when he caught a glimpse of Marilyn who was running toward the redhead. The brunette was even more beautiful than her friend... if that was possible.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name." Jerry said. "I'm Jerry and this is my friend's fiancé, Sugar Kane."

"Sugar Kane?" The brunette exclaimed. "What a great name!"

"Thank you. I changed it! I used to be Sugar Kowalski!"

"And you are?" Jerry prompted to the redhead.

"Oh, how silly of me. " she replied. "I'm Betty and this is Marilyn."

Jerry took Betty's hand and kissed it, and then greeted Marilyn in the same way.

"Pleased to meet both of you."

"So where is this yacht?" Marilyn asked, obviously immune to Jerry's charms.

Jerry smiled and offered both women his arms. "Come, Ladies. I'll show you around and introduce you to the Captain."

Sugar waved to Jerry, watching as he walked arm in arm with Marilyn and Betty to Osgood's yacht.

Within minutes, the sky had turned a beautiful mixture of pink, purple and blue and suddenly she realized she was all alone on the beach.

Where in the heck was Joe?

She looked out onto the ocean, wishing he was here to enjoy this beautiful sunset.

As if by fate, she turned to find him smiling at her; saxophone in his hands.

"Joe, what are you doing?"

He kissed her, and then began to play the sweet strands of_ Come To Me, My Melancholy Baby..._

Turning her spine into custard all over again...


End file.
